Well my past 10 days have been non-stop. When I'm not in class or in the library I'm studying at home, at the gym, at dance class or out at socials so basically I haven't really seen my boyfriend even though I live with him. Despite my busy bee schedule and regular exercise I've only managed to go down 1lb, so hurrah I'm back at 109lbs but my body is resisting the shift big time. I'm so busy though that I'm probs only completing my food diary about 3 days out of 7. Also I was really good at cutting fat consumption down but that meant that my carb and sodium intake went up which actually made me gain a little so I found when I let my fat intake go up that both my carb and sodium intake went drastically down which then prompted me to lose that precious 1lb. Maybe the 1lb was purely water retention from my sodium intake? Well I'm not a dietitician or nutritionist so I don't have a clue. All I know is that my eating is slightly irratic, the only constant I have is breakfast which is either a protein shake (if going to the gym) or some instant oats (which are great for filling you up). Sometimes I'll have three 'meals' a day and others - like today - I'll only get in a breakfast and a supper. Basically on a Wednesday I have classes and workshops straight through 11am-4pm so my lunch today was two cans of coke zero that I'd managed to pack in my bag this morning. You may think it's great but the consequence is that I had to miss my dance class because a) I was too tired to go and b) I had joint pain which had set in and I couldn't go and buy any ibuprofen until I'd finished for the afternoon. So now my brain is slow and fried and I'm struggling to concentrate on my translation work for tomorrow, plus I have a whole play to read and notes to prepare for our workshopping (free translation) of certain scenes...I love the modules I'm doing, they're soooooo interesting and really get the creative juices flowing but I wish there were more hours in a day.
There's a girl on my course who has lost soooooo much weight from last year, she is anorexic I'm pretty sure, I mean she's tiiiiiny now and out at a social she started talking to me about how she overdid the gym last year and she's quit it this year because it was a problem and I literally cut her off and started talking about myself and then moved onto another subject...like I knew she was about to admit her problem but I just couldn't let her do it because in a way I want(ed) to be like her, to have the willpower to just not eat and exercise 24/7 and if she has a problem then I would have a problem and that is NOT ok. Her size UK4 clothes just hang off her...I know that I wouldn't want to be that small because I'm too vain and if I got to that point my face would be emaciated and I simply couldn't have that, plus I have a tendency for bad skin so if I wasn't getting my Vit A then I would look pretty dire. But I reeeeally want to make it down to a size UK4, I'm just into size UK6 (bottoms - that's how I measure my size because my top half has always been petite but with big elephant legs) so I reckon another 7lbs and I'll be into US size 0 territory. I don't know what it is but other girls who look the same size as me tend to weigh about 5-7lbs less, I mean my boyfriend's step-mother is the same height as me and a size up in clothing but she weighs 104lbs...my mother always told me her side of the family had 'heavy bones' but I just thought it was an old wives' tale used as an excuse for being fat, anybody know anything about bone density?
It's my mum's birthday this weekend so I'm off to visit la familia outside of London...Since I am expected to stay for the whole weekend I will have to pack all the work I need to do for Monday and Tuesday (Monday is super busy and I'm out and about until 9pm what with my extra curricular stuff so not much chance of getting work done then) and lug it up there, my Spanish-English dictionary is a bit hefty...
Anyway enough of complaining, I'm sooooo excited about this year, all my modules are fandabadosie and I'm planning my year abroad - currently looking at Medellín in Colombia as it has some private Universities that I could go to and because they're not the competitive state ones it means there's not much of a problem when you fail to turn up for a few classes and happen to go work and travel a bit during term time...hmm sounds tempting.
Lots of love from a severely disordered girl