Wednesday, 29 June 2011

Weigh In

So my lovely ladies the ab fab news is that I am down to - wait for it..... 109lbs!!!!!  It's not a mahoosive loss but I am so chuffed because I haven't been this weight before.  Even when I was 10 I weighed 110lbs as I was a fat child - my mother called it puppy fat but I knew that let her off the hook for giving me such bad eating habits! Coincidently enough I was 2cm shorter than I am now so technically I've done a little better. 

So to reward myself I'm off to the health food shop to get some chia seeds and replace my diminishing stock of vitamins.  After I need to go for a grocery shop as my bf has a large appetite and I need to at least put something in the fridge.  Then I have to make final corrections to my CV and send that off and finally I need to continue tidying/washing/etc... as I didn't get much done yesterday after exercise and watching Wimbledon.  So it looks like I won't have time to go to the gym but I'll try and get in some strength training this evening as I quite often do it in the living room whilst my bf watches TV or plays PS3.  Oh crap I need to catch the Andy Murray match at some point today as well...hmm so much to do and too little time!  Talk to you amazing gals later!
x

Tuesday, 28 June 2011

Sleep Deprivation (is worth it for some things)




Hey skinny-minnies!  Well I'm back from Glasto :)  Couldn't do a weigh-in this morning as after dropping the car off yesterday all trains had been cancelled back to London because of over-heated powerlines!(33 degrees yesterday...which is Mediterranean heat as far as I'm concerned)  So I had to catch a train back this morning.

So eating-wise I did pretty well, only falafels and salads with one pie, mash and gravy slip but to be fair I was out til 5am and I only ate half.  Anyways I'm suitably muddy, sunkissed and just plain exhausted!  I will do a weigh-in tomorrow and see if all that booze has fattened me up or not.

Glastonbury was superb as usual, highlights are: Primal Scream, Jimmy Cliff('I Can See Clearly Now'), Mumford & Sons, Brother, The Naked and Famous, The Vaccines, Jessie J(by far the best vocalist I have EVER heard!), Pulp(they played as 'Special Guests'), Chemical Brothers(awesome without pills but I bet with they would have been meteoric with...if you're into that kind of thing that is!),  Don McLean (purely for the singalong factor of American Pie), Laura Marling (my favourite artist ever - Ghosts is still my top song), Paul Simon, Eels and Beyonce. 

So just a little review on the note that Primal Scream were for me the best headliner and I can't see why people totally bum Coldplay and U2...basically their music is okay but I loathe Chris Martin and Bono, they both think they're flaming manna from heaven.  Anyway surprise love of the weekend was Jimmy Cliff who's an old reggae star, he pulled out some classics which I just couldn't stop dancing to.  Paul Simon only did 3 Graceland songs and the rest was new stuff which was disappointing, festivals are for well-known hits Paul, we haven't paid to come and see you especially!

Beyonce didn't bring on Jay-Z and didn't do an encore so I'm not singing her praises...also does anyone else hate that generic modern RnB love song sound?  Eugh it gripes me no end and she did a whole middle section of it, I only went crazy for her Destiny's Child hits to be honest and I was uber jealous of the wind machine that seemed to follow her around, wish I had that to give me some va va voom :) 

Highlights aren't just music-related, there's the Healing Fields, Stone Circle and Avalon Field if you want delicious organic food and relaxation hippie-style.  There's Shangri La and Arcadia if you want Blade Runner style underground night life with secret passages, clubs and reality-twisting designs.  Also comedy can be enjoyed at the Caberet tent or daily films play in the Cinema tent plus you can't forget the mind-boggling circus acts in the Big Top field.  So much to do, so little time = 5 days on 3 hours sleep...brilliant! Only regrets are not seeing Warpaint or Noah And The Whale .

So after much ranting and rambling I hope you girlies all are doing well.  I'm off to unpack, start washing clothes, scrub myself clean from 6 days worth of dirt and fluorescent body paint and get back into exercising.

Today's plan:  30 mins cardio (dancing to Glastonbury highlights on BBC)
                       30 push-ups
                       50 twisting crunches
                       50 crunches
                       30 sit-ups
                       50 side leg lifts
                       50 leg lifts
                       30 squats
                       100 jumping jacks
                       80 bicep curls (with 3lbs weights - need to invest in some heavier ones!)

I thought I'd leave you with a few of my favourites of the festival - here is Rambling Man by Laura Marling, Country Girl by Primal Scream, Moving On Up by Primal Scream, No One Knows by QOTSA, Don't Think by Chemical Brothers, Roll Away Your Stone by Mumford & Sons, If You Wanna by The Vaccines and this isn't from Glastonbury but I love her voice in this song Price Tag by Jessie J and another by Laura Marling Ghosts.

Hugs to all! xx

Monday, 20 June 2011

No regrets...well maybe...



Hey lovely ladies,
Well my restlessness and over-enthusiastic approach to exercise has led me to be practically crippled.  Honestly my calves have completely seized up!  I was like an old granny yesterday when I went to pick my parents' car up.  I woke up this morning raring to get back into a regime and I'm still hobbling around.  I probably stretched about 15 times yesterday and already twice today but to no avail.  On Saturday I went for a 40 min jog (exhausting) and then carried on to repeat my 260 jumping jacks,etc and I think my body pretty much told me to F*** off...

Now that I can't do exercise (except upper body stuff) I can feel my mind turning to old habits and I'm doing a liquid only diet until I leave tomorrow evening.  I'll have to eat tomorrow evening because I'm the sole driver for going to Glasto and we're all meeting at mine for dinner, so I can't avoid that one...plus I don't want to fall asleep whilst driving down pokey country lanes. 

I wanted to mention something that Bones    mentioned about stopping the cycle of binging.  I know that binging was far more than being afraid of digesting all those calories that you just consumed, I remember using it to get rid of all my anxieties and anger as a kind of release.  Up until last year I was purging purely as an emotional release.  When I had an argument with my boyfriend I would immediately go to the toilet and purge, like a punishment to myself but also as a retaliation to him and I would say to myself "look what you made me do"...my boyfriend never knew and still doesn't know I did this and I don't plan on telling him as, well I'm sure you can sympathise why I wouldn't tell him.  I'm hoping this liquid diet won't trigger me back into old ways but I'm off to Glasto from tomorrow night and believe me you would NOT want to purge into those toilets...ewwww!
This is probably my last post until next Tuesday now when I'll be having my next weigh-in so big hugs and love to all. Stay strong :)
x

Friday, 17 June 2011

Exercise



I didn't get a chance to go to the gym today as I was sorting out my life before I leave for Glasto on Tuesday night, mainly writing and re-drafting my CV, booking hospital appts, etc...anyway I felt quite restless so I thought I'd just pick up some exercise plans and I ended up doing a 2 week plan in one go:
260 Jumping Jacks
90 Crunches
80 Leg Lifts
20 Lunges
15 Sit-ups
Weird thing is it only took me half an hour and I wasn't even sweating afterwards, although I don't feel it I must have improved my fitness going to the gym in the past few weeks.  I'm just about to go do some more and then do my yogalates dvd.  My bf is out on more works drinks tonight so knowing him he won't be back until past midnight, hurrah for me!  Free time to work out and not snack :)  I'm getting back on track peeps.
Thanks for the support and to my new followers, I hope you can take something away from my ramblings! Hugs xx

Lunching will be the death of me

Hello,

Well to say I'm upset is a bit of an understatement.  This whole week I've been rocked by the suspicion that my bf has a crush (or something stronger) on a girl at work, luckily she's moving away but it has made me feel worthless and just very insecure all week.  I went to the gym Monday and Tuesday and did 2 hours of yogalates on Wednesday to try and distract myself.  However yesterday when I got to the gym I had forgotten my sports bra and my gym pants and they weren't selling any clothing except men's t-shirts.  I went to work and got invited out for lunch so I ate about 2/3 of this pizza and then since my bf was out playing football and drinking (with this girl from work - how can I compete with a football-playing girl?!) I went to a friend's house for dinner.  She said she was only making onion soup so I thought it couldn't be that bad but when I turned up she'd gotten bored waiting for the soup to cook so had prepared loads of mini dishes in the interim.  So I had a bit of a feast, which just made me feel a little bit worse. 

I stepped on the scales this morning and saw 111lbs...gutted!  Although I have lost half an inch on my hips which is good.  I think when I feel bad about myself and have stress on my plate I take it out on my body by eating.  My mother was a comfort eater, she suffered a nervous breakdown and had depression for a long time so maybe that's where I get the habit from.  After forcing myself to be social this week it has only made me fatter so now I feel like I want to become a social recluse but I know that's even worse for my anxiety and mood.  I can be social and not eat I know I can but when I'm feeling depressed(which is a bit strong) it's like it becomes acceptable for me to finish my plate if it's in front of other people.  I know the solution could so easily be to purge but I'm determined not to go down that route as that quickly leads to self-loathing and all those feelings I thought I'd left in the past. 

My bf said to me last night I was looking just thin enough because he could see my ribs, but that makes me feel worse because in my mind he's comparing me to this girl.  She is tall with long, skinny legs and is so fun, outgoing, sporty and well he talks about her A LOT.  I also found a text message (dangerous I know to go snooping) from him telling her he'd had a dream about her, nothing untoward but still I don't ever remember sending even my close guy friends messages about if I'd dreamt about them unless it was in a group context.   I don't blame her in the slightest as I'm actually really good friends with her now and I probably love her just as much as my bf but on a friendship scale.  A couple of months ago I suspected he might be fond of her but just shoved it to one side as paranoia but then earlier this week he changed his profile pic to a photo of both of them together!!!  He's never put a photo of me and him as his profile pic and we've been together for almost 3 years...to be fair I've only ever put one photo of us together as my profile pic but I haven't put up one of me and a guy friend, in fact I had a great photo of me and my friend M(a guy) and I cropped him out of it so that my bf wouldn't get jealous.  Anyway she has a long-term bf and she's moving away which is good for my sanity but doesn't resolve the issue that I'm now riddled with self-doubt and insecurities.  Great. 

I hope everyone is alright, sorry for the massive downer-fest I hope to have a more positive outlook after the weekend...we'll see. Big hugs to all.

Friday, 10 June 2011

Late Night Eating



So I popped on the scales this morning and it was still 110lbs, I was disappointed but I did eat very late last night.  I had a coffee yesterday with a friend and then didn't have anything to eat until I got home last night.  I had a large falafel wrap and a couple of ricecakes and some rhubarb for dessert.  Not exactly a binge but I ate it at 11.30pm at night so not condusive to an early morning weigh-in.  Well onwards and upwards I say!  I have to say my appetite has almost completely vanished,  I seem to be lasting a lot longer in between meals and I start eating and I end up leaving most of it.  So off to the gym (in the pouring rain!) and again I am out tonight for my friend's leaving drinks, she's moving back to Canada! Nooooooo!  I think I'll need a two week recovery period after this week, sooo much drinking and late late nights. 

Hoping everyone is doing well,  I'm looking forward to pushing myself hard at the gym today especially with all that energy left from the food I ate last night :)  Stay strong everyone!

Thursday, 9 June 2011

Homeward Bound

Well I'm travelling back to London today, again hungover...this trip has been one hangover after another but luckily living with students means there is no food in the house and nothing to pig on.  I have one last friend to meet up with who is the most elusive person ever and I haven't seen him for 3 years so I'm wondering how I'm going to make it down there for coffee.  Eugh anyway I am excited about tomorrow's weigh-in, I have restricted quite a lot and been to the gym even with a hangover so fingers crossed for results!  Love to you all!
x

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Just a quick one, I'm visiting friends so I can't tell how I'm doing weight-wise.  I managed to find a gym in the centre of town that allows me a day pass for a very cheap rate!  I went today, might not have time tomorrow but will definitely be going on Wednesday.  I've been up since 6am and am now off to bed, tired, very tired but also so excited to be seeing old friends again, I love reminiscing and catching up on gossip.  It's funny how some people's lives go a really weird direction, yet yours seems entirely normal.  Lots of people getting pregnant, getting divorced (yes even in their early 20s) and coming out.  I love the gossip, connects me back to the places I grew up, yet I would hate to be back embroiled in it, I much prefer the anonymity of the city, nobody in my business!  I'm so glad I have ambitions, it seems depressing to see the people I once knew spiral into mundanity (yes I know it's not a word).

Anyway weather forecast is rain, rain and more rain whilst I am here so I won't get in as many walks as I wanted.  I was good today, didn't snack - I can't count supper as it was in a restaurant but I had 385cals from breakfast and lunch and dinner consisted  of me nibbling on one slice of garlic bread and a few mouthfuls of risotto, I had to take the cheap option (being a student!).  Let's hope my 650cals in the gym did enough to compensate.  So I'm off to enjoy the rest of the time with my friends, I won't be calorie counting again until Friday but I will make sure I eat small portions and try to find cheap and healthy food - cheap no problem but healthy maybe not so.  I love it here, it's so flaming cheap compared to London, normally a small white wine spritzer will set me back £4 in London...up here in the cheapest place it is 99p!!!!!!(normal places around £2.10)...I don't know why I didn't choose to be a student in the north...oh well!
Take care everyone and I'll update you soon!
xx

Saturday, 4 June 2011

Ode to a Wine Bottle




Phew, so a bit hungover today.  I had a wonderful day out yesterday with my one of my friends, we went to Green Park and sat under a shady tree (my friend is Taiwanese and has a thing about wanting to stay pale).  We were with a girl visiting from Korea so we took her up to Soho and went to SNOG this frozen yoghurt place which always seems to have Spanish employees (in all its shops).  I felt a bit guilty about getting a regular instead of a small but to be fair I hadn't eaten lunch and I went to the gym for 2 hours in the morning, so it was deserved I think.  We then literally went two doors down and got a Bubble Tea, which was more for my Taiwanese friend as it is a part of the national heritage in Taiwan!   So now I am in love with Bubble Tea, I had ginger flavour as I was avoiding the milky ones!  The cafe we went to only sells Bubble Tea and nothing else, it was set up by an ex-banker who went to Taiwan for 6 months to study Bubble Tea making and had enough money to come back to London and set up shop in the heart of Soho...I think I may go into the financial services industry...

So since I am student and love cheap anything, we went to the main student union and drank pretty much all night on £1.50 per glass of wine, brilliant!  My Taiwanese friend's boyfriend is from London and keeps teaching her all this London slang and basically I have to keep clipping him round the ear because half the words she comes out with I don't understand! Anyway I had an amazing time, danced my little socks off and came home to do a lot more dancing in the living room with my headphones on :)  My boyfriend was a dirty stop out last night so he's only just on his way home now!

So calorie counting went out the window yesterday but I did spend two hours at the gym and technically only had two meals (if you count the frozen yoghurt as lunch/supper) also I danced for quite a few hours.  So I woke up this morning, went on the scales and saw 110lbs!  Delighted is all I can say,  and I don't even have my hangover hunger - I tried eating some cereal, had two bites and was satisfied.  Just glugging lots of tea and water at the moment.  I thought I would share the weight as I wont be checking in again until next Friday on that front and I'm pleased to break the 8st(112lbs) barrier, so I just had to share!  My Taiwanese friend is the same height as me but maybe a more petite build and her natural resting weight is 98lbs!  Sometimes I really wish I had an Asian's metabolism, life would be a lot easier.

Have a wonderful day everyone, I'm off to snooze and then I have to crack on with my CV! Fun fun.

Wednesday, 1 June 2011

Slow Progress



Ouch only half a pound loss from last week! Although it is a whole lb loss from yesterday so there's something to be proud of. 

I have started putting my progress on my About Me page so I'll be publishing weekly measurements and weigh-in results.  This is to keep me focused and on track, hopefully it'll work!  My update will be late next week as I'm visiting school friends.  This might set me back however my friend I'm staying with has an ED so I doubt there should be much problem in the way of temptation, plus she is a total gym freak so I'm hoping to get in as a guest at her gym. 

I have the dentist in two hours! Eek!  I have three old fillings which need replacing because I'm vain and always get white fillings which cost more and need replacing more often...so I will have a numb, elephant mouth for the rest of the afternoon.  This means only liquids, no hot ones though (as I learnt the first time I got a filling), at least not until a little bit of feeling comes back. 

A friend who works in Vancouver is popping round tonight for dinner before catching a connecting flight so he has requested ribs!  I've just started marinating them and they are soooo fatty.  I may just use the excuse of having a numb mouth and new fillings to wriggle out of that one.  The sauce is delicious though, I put lots of chilli in it...mainly because I am a chilli fiend...it's just Jamaican BBQ sauce with dried chillies and extra seasoning.  Does anyone else enjoy cooking for other people?  I really like cooking food for other people and watching them eat it, a kind of vicarious living type-of-thing. 

Anyways I'm off out, quick gym stop and books to return to library (now that I don't have to return to uni until end of September!woop!).  Stay strong everyone and keep looking gorgeous!